Snow Bored/Script

The following is a transcript for "Snow Bored".

Script
Trolls: [excited] "HOORAY!!! WOO HOO!!! Snow Day!! Snow Day!! Snow Day!!" [Branch appears]

Branch: "This just in. There will not be a snow day."

[The trolls are surprised and stop cheering.] "Once I sprinkle salt all across the village, we'll have no trouble getting across."

[They all boo at Branch.]

Satin: [angrily] "WHY WOULD YOU RUIN OUR SNOW DAY?!"

Branch: "Ahem." [pulls a chart down] "Snow can be slippery and hazardous. 39% of accidents and snow-related injuries occur in just a centimeter of it. There's also a chance of a pile of snow falling on us and giving us frostbite."

Cooper: "But, Branch, snow days are fun!!!"

Branch: [presses a button and the chart goes up.] "I rest my case. Besides, I fail to see how frolicking in frozen temperatures like a bunch of nitwits is fun."

Poppy: "What if we could show you how fun snow days can be? Then would you call off the salt?"

[The trolls agree with Poppy and are excited to help Branch]

Cooper: "Yeah! Fun! Fun!"

Trolls: "Fun! Fun! Fun"!

Branch: "Fine!! But only because I can't stand to hear you chant inanely."

[The trolls cheer as they walk off.]

Cooper: [stops walking] "Wait, I thought we were chanting "fun"." [The next day, everybody is getting out into the village to have fun in the snow.]

Branch: "Okay, you've got four hours. Dazzle me or it's no more snow days." [puts on his snow goggles.] [Poppy runs while pulling Branch on the sled.]

Poppy: "Woo! Sledding! What do you think, Branch?"

Branch: "I think my butt is cold." [The sled hits a rock] "Whoa!" [he falls off] "And now bruised." [Poppy finishes building an igloo.]

Poppy: "Here's another snow day classic. Snow Fort!!! Come on in. You gotta check out the built in cup holders." [goes in]

Branch: "Hmm... lacks crossbeams, low baring walls, a solid foundation..."

Poppy: "All choices that I made."

Branch: "Hardly up to code."

[After Branch touches the igloo, it falls apart.]

Poppy: "It's collapsible too."

[Biggie comes]

Biggie: "How about letting old Bigs take the reins?"

Poppy: "Knock yourself out. My butt is cold. And bruised." [Biggie made a snow-troll.]

Biggie: "Say hello to Mr. Twig Arms!"

Branch:  "Huh. So, what does Mr. Twig Arms do?"

Biggie: "Uh... nothing. But, he's awful jolly."

Branch: [kicks over the bottom] His big belly doesn't necessarily make him more jolly. [Satin and Chenille are ice skating.]

Satin: "Here are the returning champions, Satin and Chenille! About to execute a triple salchow!"[they perform their triple salchow and stick the landing.] "Come on, Branch! It's your turn!"

Branch: [counting formulas] "Based on water density, air temp, and the weight of an average troll, multiply by two, that ice should give way in 3, 2..."

[The ice breaks and Satin and Chenille fall into the water.]

Chenille: "Dang it."

Branch: ""Dang it"'s right. I was one second off." [Branch and Keith are making snow angels.]

Branch: "What exactly are we doing?"

Keith: "Laying in the snow. It's my favorite snow game."

Branch: "How do you win? By getting hypothermia?"

Keith: "Yes." ''[Cooper is holding a bucket full of snow in his mouth with Smidge filling it and grinning next to him. Smidge takes the bucket.]''

Cooper: "Watch this, Branch. You're gonna love snow pranks."

''[The three walk up to Biggie who is rebuilding his snow-troll. Cooper and Smidge wink at Branch, who is confused and Cooper and Smidge each put a snow ball in the back of Biggie's pants.]''

Cooper and Smidge: "FROST BUTT!!"

Biggie: [panics and shivers] "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!"

Cooper: [laughs] "Oh, man. Classic!"

Biggie: [still shivering] "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!"

Branch: "Frostbite is actually a thing, and from what I read about it, losing a butt cheek to it would be no laughing matter."

Cooper: "Eesh, I'd really like to make a crack right now. But, it's snow time to be cheeky." [laughing] "Get it?"

Branch: "Unfortunately, yes."

Biggie: [still shivering] "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!" [DJ Suki and Branch are on a bobsled while the others watch.]

DJ Suki: "Representing Troll Village in the World Bobsled Finals, it's DJ Suki and Branch!! Oh, yeah!!" [starts the sled on the slope.]

Branch: "Woah, woah, woah... Stop!!!"

DJ Suki: [slips and accidentally lets the sled move away.] "Uh-oh."

Branch: "This won't end well."

''[Branch goes really fast and falls off from his sled screaming in panic and falls in the snow. The other trolls gasp and come to his location.]''

Poppy: "Um...Nice snow angel, Branch!"

Branch: "It's over, guys. Snow days are both pointless and a health hazard. So I'm unleashing the salt."

Trolls: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" [The trolls complain at Branch.]

Poppy: "Aw, come on! Seriously?"

Branch: "My mind is made up, and there's no talking me out of it."

[Someone throws a snowball at Branch.]

Branch: [angry] "Alright, who did that?"

[The trolls move away and reveal that it was Biggie.]

Biggie: "Aw, you grasses!"

Branch: "Oh, it's on..."

Biggie: "Haha. What are you going to do..."

[Branch throws a snowball at Biggie.]

Branch: "Huh. That was actually quite satisfying."

[Branch makes another snowball.]

DJ Suki: [helping Biggie up with Poppy] "Here, Biggie."

Poppy: "Let's help you up."

[Branch throws a snowball at Biggie again, and the others as well.]

Branch: "Hey, this is kind of...f...[he struggles to say it] f..."

Poppy: "...fun?"

Branch: "Yeah!"

[The trolls are having fun with snowballs.] [Later at nighttime, Poppy is blowing at her hot cocoa.]

Branch: "Hey, Poppy. Thanks for today. You made a snow day convert out of me."

Poppy: "Well, I'm glad you had fun. Especially since the snow might melt by tomorrow morning." [The next day, the trolls come by Poppy's pod while she is still sleeping.]

DJ Suki: "Poppy, wake up! It's a snow day miracle."

Poppy: "DJ Suki, what are you talking about?"

Satin: [joyful] "Look outside!"

[Poppy looks out the window to see it's another snow day.]

Poppy: "What in the what? How is this even possible?" [Outside, Poppy is sledding.]

Poppy: "YEAH!!!!"

[Suddenly, Branch blasts snowballs at her and Poppy crashes into a tree where a pile of snow falls onto her.]

Branch:  [laughs] "There's nothing like another whole day of lobbing frozen projectiles. WOO HOO!! Snow day!!!" [Biggie is making another snow-troll.]

Biggie: "Ah. Even better."

[Suddenly, Branch starts firing snowballs and makes a hole on Mr. Twig Arms Jr.]

Biggie: [gasps] "Mr. Twig Arms Jr.!"

Branch: [laughs] "Look alive, Biggie! Mr. Twig Arms sure doesn't." [DJ Suki is riding her sled when suddenly Branch appears on his own one.]

Branch: "Hey, DJ Suki!" [busts out a snowball gatling gun] "Say hello to my not-so-little friend." [laughs as he throws snowballs at her.] Snow daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

[DJ Suki falls into Poppy's fort.]

Poppy: "Dang it." [Branch comes by with a bazooka loaded with snow.]

Branch: "Hey, guys! I want to show you my latest creation: the Ultra Snowzooka! Patent pending." [Looks around] "Guys? Where'd they go?"

[The others are hiding.]

Poppy: "We've created a monster!"

DJ Suki: "At least we're safe in here."

Smidge: "Yeah. It's not like he can bring snow inside our pods."

[Branch shoots snow at them and they yelp at their ambush.]

Branch: "Behold, my latest latest creation! Indoor snow! Patent pending!" [Branch starts shooting snowballs and laughs while his friends run off terrified.] [Satin and Chenille are hiding in their pod's closet.]

Satin: [to Chenille] Branch is literally out of control." [pants in fear]

Branch: [opens the door] "Actually, I've never felt more in control, or more alive!" [the twins scream offscreen as Branch shoots them with snow.] ''[Biggie is checking outside of his pod and runs to the outhouse. In the outhouse, Branch shoots snow.]''

Biggie: ​[runs out of the outhouse with his pants down while screaming.] "Is nothing sacred?!"

[Branch laughs evilly] [Poppy and Smidge are hiding in Poppy's pod.]

Poppy: "We should be safe under here."

Smidge: [holds a bag of brown nuts] "I brought chestnuts for roasting."

Branch: [up on the "roof"] "YOO HOO! Here's Jack Frost nipping at your nose!"

[Branch shoots snow into the window.]

Poppy: "Oh, shoot." [the snow covers them.] [Guy Diamond and Cooper are hiding in a large log.]

Guy:That maniac will never find us here.

[suddenly, a massive snowball rolls from one side and the two run for it screaming until it rolls over them both] [it is now night in Troll Village]

Branch: "You chumps ready for tomorrow? 'Cause my snow powered tank sure is!"[clicks a button]

[Outside, the tank sends more snow.]

Trolls: "NOOOOO!!!"

Poppy: "Branch, please, enough! You have to call off the snow day. Use your special salt!"

Branch: "But I'm really looking forward to another snow day. You guys convinced me, they are f-f- fun! See I can actually say it, now."

Poppy: "I think we've had enough fun". [The trolls beg Branch to call off the snow day.]

DJ Suki: "Please! We gotta go back to gather things!"

Guy Diamond: "We want to be able to go back to the markets!"

Branch: "Well, that's a bummer. But I guess I've been fairly outvoted."

Cooper: "So... enough of the snow?"

[Branch nods and the trolls cheer.]

Poppy: "Thanks, Branch."

Branch: "No problem, Poppy. Now let's call it a night, we've got a lot to do tomorrow." [The next morning, Branch is sitting in his tank, which now shoots the salt.]

Branch: [to the readers] "Well, mission accomplished. My master plan was a major success. I'm pretty sure they won't be wanting anymore snow days." [rises out of the tank] "And now that I've repurposed my snow tank to a salt-spraying, snow-melting de-icer, it's time for some fun my own way."

[Branch makes the tank move forward and spray salt as the other trolls follow him and cheer.]

Poppy: [to the readers; confused] "Wait. What just happened? "